Home Front Part 2

First off, thank you to everyone who contacted me after my last post. I've been avoiding the big public announcement (although the Facebook marriage eulogy is certainly inevitable). My last post was a great dress rehearsal. Thank you for listening.

Eventually, this blog will feature much more MOTHERS MILK and much less woe is Ben. But I needed to cross that bridge; it felt good to unload. And my candor may prove helpful to others. Win win, right?

Sort of.

Opening up my personal life has its benefits. But it's kind of a downer for readers. I also run the risk of undermining public confidence in my leadership at a particularly precarious time. From hereon out, I will lean towards a balanced approach -- an intimate behind-the-scenes portrayal of the making of a DIY feature film (warts and all), with a semi open door policy on the personal front. With that said, I need to expend the bulk of this post hashing out some details from my last entry.

I'm not going to dwell on the details of my divorce. We had a good run. It didn't work out. At the end of the day, nothing else matters. It's obviously more complicated than that. But, I'll save the details for my New York Times best selling autobiography.

I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of support after my last post. I sincerely appreciate everyone who called/texted to check on me. Do not fret. I'm good. Really. The brief mention of my brushes with suicidal ideation was motivated by two important tenets:

1) LET IN THE LIGHT - It is imperative to share feelings of self-harm. It's extremely dangerous to keep these thoughts to yourself. I have been helping at-risk youth and families navigate these types of troubled waters for 20 years. And yet, when I was living it myself, I recoiled, kept the pain to myself. The preacher was not practicing. I was very fortunate to have some great friends who pummeled me with love and support, totally disallowing any notion of perceived psychological heroism. That exposure was invaluable.

2) BE OF SERVICE TO OTHERS - I am not the only one dealing with these emotions. By speaking out, I can connect with others struggling with similar demons. Like many people said to me: Know that you are not alone. It will get better. It may get worse first. But it will get better eventually. Sharing my triumph may inspire others, which fully justifies the risk.

I have a regular writer's meeting with QUALITY OF LIFE Producer and IN WORLD WAR Director, Brant Smith. Every week, we spend about 20 minutes on the phone lighting fires under each other. In one of our recent calls, he started with a benign "How you doing?" I told him how much better I was than a few weeks ago. Now I have my own place, my daughter is living with me, my sons regularly visit me at my house, I sleep in my own bed. Life is good! In an effort to give him some context, I confessed that I had not only had suicidal thoughts before the move, but had actually been consumed with visualizing a plan. I immediately broke into tears. I realized at that moment that I hadn't shared that information with anyone else. Hearing those words come out of my mouth scared the shit out of me. It was saddening to think of myself in that position. My intention was simply to provide context -- I am doing so much better NOW. Seriously. This was not a cry for help. I just wanted him to know how great I was feeling, what a huge turnaround I had experienced. But...God damn. That was one loaded statement.

Hearing someone talk about suicide is a scary thing. What do you do? Should you report it? (If they are imminently suicidal, and have a plan and the means to carry out said plan, the short answer is yes.) Should you lecture them for being so lame and selfish? Tempting, but no. It's complex. I'm not going to address it in detail here. There are many great resources out there (including the Trevor Project, which MOTHERS MILK Producer Peggy Rajski co-founded). But I will say this: If you're feeling suicidal, talk about it. And if someone talks to you about feeling suicidal, listen. It sounds simple, but prevention starts with simple conversation.

OK. There. Ready to move on.

Yes, it was a dark time in my life. But, like the protagonist in our film (and most films), I have learned and even benefited from the struggle. Life is good. So good. I have so much to be grateful for. Including this wonderful project, MOTHERS MILK.

There's a ton of exciting stuff happening with the movie. And I want to share this excitement with you. My personal struggle will inevitably be intertwined with my portrayal of the journey. Candor is in my blood. Love it or leave it.

Making a feature film is like climbing Mt Everest. There are highs and lows, successes and failures, conquered peaks and frostbitten toes. Hopefully sharing the full monty will result in an engaging read.

Onward!

Back in action

I've been trying to think of a creative, palatable way to explain why I stopped blogging. A ton of goodness going on with the project. So where ya been...Ben?

Uh, you know. Just busy. 

Nope. If you're a DIY filmmaker (or DIY artist of any kind), "too busy" is never a valid excuse for failing to connect with your audience. Here's the true story:

I am going through a divorce. And it blows.

I'm grateful that things have been relatively civil between my me and my ex. I have also been super fortunate to have incredible support from friends and family. There are a handful people who have stepped up and literally saved my life. I've been sleeping on my buddy's air mattress for the past six months, which was a Godsend. But being away from my kids was pure torture. I was depressed, suicidal at times. It was the darkest period of my life. Thanks to the generosity of said friend, I didn't pay rent for several months and was able to get my own place a couple of weeks ago. Life still hectic. Divorce not final. Linens lacking. But my daughter is living with me. I'm three blocks from my boys. I'm sleeping in my own bed in my own house (actually sleeping...as in eyes continually closed for multiple hours at a time). Short story long: I'm back!

My daughter, Summer, and her faithful companion, Gracie

So, where are we with Mothers Milk?

As you are probably aware, John Michael Schert came on board as Executive Producer. JM is a brilliant, talented, hard working guy with a parallel creative vision. We are so stoked to work with him. The absolutely kickass MM team is now: Zach Voss, John Michael Schert, Peggy Rajski, Kev Robertson, Gracie Bingham, and Eric Gilbert. My goal in life is to work with people smarter than me. Mission accomplished.

Executive Producer/Super Star John Michael Schert

We just finished the pitch book. James Lloyd did illustrations (including this cover) and Chris Jennings designed.

MM pitch book cover

A pitch book is an extremely valuable tool for approaching potential investors and collaborators. I'll share it with you shortly. We also delivered the first round of Kickstarter rewards, which was a great opportunity to re-connect with what will be our core audience/army.

Boise filmmaker, David Thompson with some of his Kickstarter rewards

Zach and I are wrapping a script re-write (tweaking tone to fit Zach's voice, and adapting for Boise). We will be raising money over the summer, and plan to shoot in the fall. I will write more about these processes as we go. Instead of retreating when life gets turbulent, I have decided to let my writing drift into more intimate and personal waters. It will still be informative from a film/art/business standpoint. But it's also going to serve as a therapeutic tool for me. Win-win.

Onward!

Slanging Cakes

Gracie here. Ben’s busy helping run the Eastern Oregon Film Festival, and he asked me to recap our Valentine’s Day cupcake venture (the VD reward as he likes to call it). This time last week I was knee-deep in powdered sugar, flour, and butter, cranking out twelve dozen cupcakes to deliver as part of our Kickstarter promotion. Why cupcakes? The middle portion of Kickstarters is historically sluggish, so I brainstormed ways to keep momentum going during a fundraising dead zone. Valentine’s Day—or any major holiday, really—is an enormous marketing opportunity any marketer would be foolish to pass over. Yeah, it’s a commercial holiday. But I don’t see the point of holding Valentine’s Day to any moral high ground. The romantic aspect of the holiday doesn’t matter one whit to me. For a marketer, however, it’s a goldmine. Since the main character of our film is an unemployed bike messenger, I thought it would be fitting to deliver something Valentine’s Day-related on bike to our supporters. We mulled over the possibilities—flowers, chocolate, doughnuts, and cookies were all contenders at one point. I ended up deciding on cupcakes because they’re a little sexier than cookies and they photograph well. But they sure don’t travel well. More on that later.

I had spent the day prior to Valentine’s Day trying to find the perfect recipes. I initially wanted to make five different recipes, but I quickly discovered that my ambition exceeded my ability. Armed with only one full-sized mixing bowl, a hand-mixer, and what may be the world’s tiniest oven, I pared five recipes down to two. Plus a dozen vegan, gluten-free cupcakes. My oven can only fit one cupcake tin, so I baked twelve dozen cupcakes, one dozen at a time. If you’ve ever doubted whether hell exists, I can assure you it does. It is 350 degrees Fahrenheit and smells like red velvet. When you want to sleep, an alarm will go off every eighteen minutes for eternity.

After I frosted all twelve dozen cupcakes, Zach Voss came over in the morning to help me assemble the boxes and box the cupcakes up. Ben and I had conspired to order brown recyclable cupcake boxes, which came with a little insert designed to secure the cupcakes. Spoiler alert: the inserts didn’t work. Our first delivery was out to the Trey McIntyre Project, about three miles from my house. The forecast alerted us to rain, so we geared up our bikes and wrapped up our cupcake boxes, which we nestled in our bike baskets. Though it was raining lightly, we both found the trip invigorating and enjoyable. We dropped off the box to our first happy recipient and pedaled back downtown. It wasn’t until our fourth stop that we discovered the cupcakes weren’t arriving in their original condition. The inserts, designed to stabilize cupcakes in normal vehicles, turned into little guillotines when traveling by bicycle. The jostled inserts decapitated the frosting, allowing the cupcakes to tumble about with free will. Even though overturned cupcakes were a little disheartening, especially as the day grew colder and wetter, all we could do was laugh. Most of our recipients were still happy despite the mangled cupcakes.

By the end of the day, we were soaked to the bone, exhausted, and hungry (all we’d had to eat that day was cupcakes), but deeply heartened by the entire experience. We’d managed to ride our bikes over thirty miles total, delivering a little bit of love to people that supported us. Smashed cupcakes aside, we’d done our best to show our supporters how much their contributions meant to us. Independent film requires plenty of support and backing from the community, and we’re all incredibly thankful for everybody that’s reached out on our behalf, whether it’s through a donation or simply spreading the word. We’re now two-thirds of the way to our Kickstarter goal, which is really two-thirds of a small but crucial step toward our end goal of making a film. Cupcakes provided us some great forward momentum, but now that my kitchen is finally clean and my blood sugar has returned to normal, it’s time to brainstorm our next move. We’re in La Grande this weekend for the Eastern Oregon Film Festival, so I’m hoping we’ll gain some inspiration from our fellow filmmakers. At the very least, I’m looking forward to watching plenty of great films without a cupcake in sight.

Mid-life Crisis

Remember the days when contributions were flooding your inbox like offers to enlarge your penis? Ah, yes. The good ole days. Of last week...We were prepared for things to slow down. But it doesn't make this mid-life crisis any easier to swallow. Here's a look at our growth chart:

We were expecting things to level off in the middle of the campaign. The initial excitement motivates people to act, as does the final deadline. There's simply no urgency mid-campaign, which is why shorter duration Kickstarters are more successful. But, I gotta be honest, I wasn't expecting it to level off this much. I'm not panicking. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous.

So what do we do? How do we stoke the fires? In short, there is nothing you can do but stick to the game plan. And here's ours.

As noted in previous posts, our brilliant Marketing Director/Associate Producer, Gracie Bingham had an idea for a Valentine's Day promo (the "VD Reward"). Boise backers at $35 or more can have cupcakes hand-delivered to the person of their choice on Valentine's Day. A deadline (ie first 20 Boise backers to respond by Feb 13) returns a sense of urgency to the campaign. Will it work? Who knows. But, at the very least, it gives us an excuse to talk about the film. And to say "VD Reward" to each other repeatedly. Both totally worth it.

We were fortunate enough to score a little buzz this week: Filmmaker Magazine featured us on their curated Kickstarter page. And Boise Public Radio ran a great piece about the film. We posted these on Facebook and Twitter, and both were shared and liked a lot. Low/no conversion rate on Kickstarter, but great marketing for the film, which, as we discussed, is a secondary and integral purpose of a Kickstarter.

We will also be releasing an interview with director Zach Voss this week. It's hard to get people to click "PLAY" on Facebook. And we don't have an established YouTube channel (see previous post about building your audience before Kickstarter, as I kick myself in the head repeatedly). So this video is unlikely to get much traction. But people who know Zach may give it a look. And, as we noted, your friends and family are the most likely backers anyway.

I will be contacting my inner circle again this week. I really need these people to keep the campaign moving forward. But a hard sell won't be very effective when the bills aren't due yet. There's a fine line between reminding people and being annoying. So I will save some of these contacts for the last week. 

Bottom line, mid-life is a tough time. I'm not a particularly patient person (I'm writing this entry at 3am on a Wednesday), so it's hard to sit back and ride out the lull. But I don't have much choice at this point. It's Zen or bust for this guy. Deep breaths. Stay the course. Thousand points of light. Stay the course...Anyone? Dana Carvey? SNL? George Bush Sr? Damn. The Mothers Milk Kickstarter clearly isn't the only thing suffering a mid-life crisis...

Stoking the Fire

Thrilled with the progress we're making. I was hoping we would break $2K day one and we did. I was also hoping we would hit 50% by the end of week one, and it looks like that may happen as well...OK, I was REALLY hoping we'd hit ten times that, but...realistically, I knew that if we hit these numbers (30% and 50% respectively), we would have a good chance of making our final goal. I was expecting a strong start -- as noted in my previous entry, we urged our inner circle to contribute early to jump-start the campaign. Barring the breakout exceptions, most Kickstarters do tend to sag in the middle. Again, we have promotional activities planned for the coming "saggy" weeks. But we also have braced ourselves for a decline in activity in the middle, with a spike at the end (humans generally respond to deadlines). Here's a quick breakdown:

DAY ONE: 27 Backers
DAY TWO: 10 Backers
DAY THREE: 6 Backers

See a trend? The challenge for us is to keep the fire stoked. If we walked away right now, I'm fairly certain the campaign would go cold. We have some activities on tap (stay tuned). But we are also doing some simple stuff.

We are posting regularly on Facebook and Twitter. I have known for months/years that I needed to develop a social media following, and I haven't. Why? Because I suck. The fact that I'm "not really into it" does not relieve me (or you) of that duty. My recommendation to you is to do what everyone told me to do: Develop a social media presence BEFORE you launch your campaign. I see a lot of filmmakers with films in major festivals, and they don't even have Facebook pages, or websites, or trailers. So I don't feel that bad. But I really could have done a lot better. With that said, I did hire a kickass Marketing Director, Gracie Bingham about a month ago, and she is setting us straight. This will be great for the remainder of the film's life. But, my lack of previous activity will have an effect the Kickstarter campaign.

We had an activity planned for yesterday that we had to amend. Duck Club Presents is producing the film. (More on our relationship later.) They offered two "Season Passes" as rewards, and we were planning to hype up that reward on Wednesday. Offered as a $250 reward, these passes enable entry into EVERY 2014 Duck Club event, including the Treefort Music Fest. Those passes sold almost immediately on Day One. Good problem to have I suppose. But it did take a little wind out of our marketing sails yesterday. We are moving forward with our second co-marketing opp today. And have a fun activity we are planning for next week (involves VD), in addition to releasing our second video. Stay tuned!

It's all about keeping that engine hot. Back to shoveling coal...

Kickstarter Day One

Great first day! We hit 30% of our total goal on day one, which was right about where we wanted to be. The goal of this blog is to give filmmakers and artists a glimpse behind the scenes -- to reveal our successes and failures. The goal of my life is to help artists (myself included) find sustainability in their passion. We're all short on time, so I will try and be as concise as possible.

How did we hit our day one goal?

I emailed my inner circle a little over a week ago to give them a heads up about the Kickstarter. This list consisted of about 50 people who have been supportive of and/or shown an interest in my creative endeavors over the years. The only action item in that email was a link to our Facebook page. Some responded, most didn't. But the impending Kickstarter was on their radar. I then called or texted most of those people over the weekend. (I chose to do this during the Super Bowl, which was simply bad planning on my part. Maybe shouldn't have gone snowboarding on Saturday.) Monday morning, I clicked the green "LAUNCH" button on Kickstarter, then I texted my dad, my brother, and my good friend and Quality of Life Producer, Brant Smith and urged them to contribute whatever they could ASAP to get the ball rolling. Kickstarters that start strong tend to finish strong. People want to be associated with success. Momentum is everything.

My three cornerstone contributors confirmed and pulled the trigger. None of them are wealthy, but they gave what they could. And we were off!

I proceeded to email and/or text the remaining people from my list to inform them that the Kicsktarter was live. I urged them to act today to help build momentum. Then Mothers Milk Marketing Director/Associate Producer, Gracie Bingham and I proceeded to post updates via Facebook and Twitter. Gracie came up with an idea a couple of weeks ago to offer cupcakes with the first 20 Boise contributions over $35. This is a Valentine's Day promotion (we call it the VD reward) -- Gracie will deliver six homemade cupcakes on her bike on Valentine's Day to the person of the contributor's choosing. It's a brilliant idea because a) people (mostly dudes) tend to forget about VD (giggity), and b) it gives us something to talk about in the middle of the campaign, when most Kickstarters tend to sag. Several of Gracie's friends did contribute based on this reward. We will see if it catches on beyond our inner circle next week.

This brings up three important points:

1. The majority of Kickstarter activity occurs early and late in the campaign. We are prepared for this dip, but we also plan to keep stoking the fires along the way. More on that soon.
2. Most Kickstarter contributions come from people you know. While we hope that some strangers will support the campaign, we are focusing the majority of our fundraising energy targeting people in our circles. With that said...
3. Crowdsourcing is more than just a fundraising tool. It's a way to rally general support and exposure. We asked everyone we knew to support financially AND to tell their friends. We will not have an advertising budget; there is no line item for this. We are relying almost exclusively on social media and word of mouth. When people ask "how can I help?" we tell them, "Tell a friend!" Personal pleas and testimonials are far more powerful than anything we can do on our end.

We are chilling out a little today. The energy and excitement around the project was phenomenal yesterday. However, we don't want to clog people's streams or they will hate/abandon us...He says as he posts another daily blog entry...

Kickstarter T-minus one

Mothers Milk Kickstarter launches tomorrow. Everyone told me these things were a shit ton of work. Truth be told, I kinda didn't really believe them. I mean, I knew it was work. But when people said "it's like production" it felt a little dramatic. It wasn't.

I have poured so many hours of my life into getting this thing ready for the world. So has Zach. And Kev. And Gracie. You would never know by glancing at it. Just looks like a page with some words on it. And a play button...OK, it's clear that I have lost all objectivity at this point. Maybe I should go to sleep.

I'm super excited to launch this thing. It feels like Christmas Eve. Except Satan might show up in the morning and kick over my tree.

I will write about logistics as we go. I have learned a lot about crowd funding that I'm excited to share. But I'm too delirious to write anything constructive at the moment.

T-minus 8 hours...